


all over again

by hanjingyi (notbadbrat)



Series: ereri summer week 2017 [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M, Soldier!Eren, Sort Of, doctor!Levi, medical AU, written for 'ereri summer week 2017'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 09:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16851115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notbadbrat/pseuds/hanjingyi
Summary: Hello!I think most of you know what's going on on tumblr, so I decided to move my fics here. Like, I almost only posted them there, but it's time I give them a safe place to rest and get comfy! :3I'll be organising them in series, I think, classify them according to the ereri events I wrote my works for.That's it! :3





	all over again

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I think most of you know what's going on on tumblr, so I decided to move my fics here. Like, I almost only posted them there, but it's time I give them a safe place to rest and get comfy! :3  
> I'll be organising them in series, I think, classify them according to the ereri events I wrote my works for.  
> That's it! :3

“Start from the beginning.”

“Better not.”

“You promised to tell me the truth!”

“Yes, and I _will_ , but if you really want to hear the full story, you need to let me decide where to begin from.”

He didn’t seem convinced, his silence giving away his reluctance. The boy sighed.

“Look, it’s hard. Okay? This would make anyone run away in, like, two seconds, and I don’t want it to happen with you. You have to trust me!”

“We wouldn’t be at this point if I didn’t, idiot.”

“Then shut up and listen!”

Oh, shit. Maybe he should have counted down from ten before replying.

The boy looked at him, at his clamped fists and jaw, the way his eyes kept trying to contain his frustration, but the tenseness of his body betrayed him. Seeing all that made Eren’s heart clench, angry at his own inability to speak without fear controlling him. It was all so cliché, like out of some kind of trash movie with bad actors. But the pain in his eyes was real.

“Okay, just- let me-“

Eren jumped down from the bed and started pacing in the room, back and fort, to the window and back.

“Okay.” 

He raised his head and looked straight to Levi. And then he started talking.

 

_Back then, you were a doctor._

_I remember spotting you, with the corner of my eye. One moment you were there, standing, with your white coat, hands in your pocket, expression blank, hard gaze pointed on a young couple probably in their mid thirties, delivering god know what dreadful news, judging by their faces. The next, you were turning, and I was too scared to meet your eyes._

_You need to understand that I didn’t know you. Not back then. Not like I know you now, not with the things I’m now aware of, the things I felt and experienced. Now it easier, and harder in a whole, new different way. Back then… you were an illusion. A dream. You were blissful unawareness, and I didn’t know if it was the same for you. Because I didn’t know you, but staring at you made me feel nostalgic. Like looking through the album with photos of your childhood, only ten times worse._

_So I did what I had to do._

_I looked away._

_But the following day I was back at the hospital. And the day after, and the one after that, and again and again, until one day I didn’t even make it through the front door. I stopped on the street, facing the building._

_“You came here every afternoon at the same hour in the last two weeks. You’re starting to draw attention.”_

_I was stuck. I stuttered words I barely understood, and you simply stood there, with your back against the concrete, looking at me. I know I seemed ridiculous, but I could I explain something as crazy as that to someone I didn’t even know if I wasn’t sure about what that was myself?_

_Of course I made a fool out of myself._

_“I- I- I like this place.”_

_You used your bitch face on me -raised eyebrow, twitching lip, bored look._

_“You like hospitals?”_

_“Yes- I mean, no. I come here because some of my friends have been hospitalized.”_

_“Someone from your military squad?”_

_It took me some time to notice that I was, in fact, wearing my uniform. I didn’t use to have it on me when I went visiting, but sometime it happened, and the day of our first talk you caught me with it. I wasn’t having any of it. The only thing I was thinking about, in that moment, was that you recognized me, somehow. And that was exactly what I told you._

_“Yes. Missions often end like this. So you- you saw me?”_

_“Pretty hard not to, strolling around with that uniform.”_

_“Yeah but, surely I’m not the only one in a military uniform strolling around.”_

_I felt smug, giddy even. You fell silent. I wasn’t used to the way you distanced yourself from people when they got something right about you that you didn’t what to show -when you shut down and take all your colors and warmth with you. You noticed me and I was so happy that I didn’t know what else to say._

_“A soldier is a soldier. If it didn’t turn out to be you, I would have made a complaint about the bratty one with the uniform haunting my ward.”_

_“I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-”_

_“No, you clearly didn’t.”_

_You were terrifying._

_We stood there, in silence, and you kept looking at me as if you were expecting me to say something. It didn’t come to me that maybe you wanted me to go away. I went to open my mouth to say that something -anything,  
really-, but then someone called you._

_“Doctor Levi! I got the papers you needed!”_

_A woman came from behind me, jogging towards you while picking at me with curious eyes._

_“Good work, Riley. Let’s go back inside.”_

_“Yes, doctor.”_

_She did as you told her, looking back just once. You followed her right away, but before disappearing, you stopped and turned. I remember thinking there was something on you face, in your eyes, like you didn’t want to talk. But you did._

_“Until next time, Mr. Soldier.”_

_I smiled. I knew you were probably making fun of me, I knew since the moment I opened my mouth to speak to you, but nothing mattered. Nothing did, except you, and the fact that I could finally give a name to that face -the face and eye and hair and nose and cheeks and mouth and arms and legs and body and words that haunted me and my dreams._

_Doctor Levi._

_Levi._

_You could have been a baker, a mugger, homeless, I wouldn’t have cared._

_I came back. Every day. And you were there, outside, waiting -each time for different things, but sometimes you would forget to build up you excuse, which I thoughtlessly reminded you of. One time you didn’t take it well, didn’t meet with me the day after, and I learned my lesson. Even so, you were there. And we started talking until you had to get back to work. I told you my name, but you liked teasing me, calling me “Mr. Soldier”. Every morning I woke up knowing that I would see you, tell you things, bring you snacks, losing me in your eyes and keep hoping…_

_It didn’t happen._

_I saw you in a bar, I was off duty, night out with my fellow colleagues. We were at a table, you close to the counter with your friends, I guessed, arm around a woman’s waist, looking for a free spot, maybe. You surveyed the entire room. Hell, you probably saw me, but like the first time, I couldn’t meet your gaze. I felt like I was going to vomit, couldn’t stop shivering from disgust._

_So I did the same thing I did months before and looked away._

_I was young, I was a wreck, I kept that failure in my heart. I would like to say that I had not, even for one second, been angry at you, but that would be a lie. I had. But it was just that -there was this bitter feeling, this wrongness, but I couldn’t pinpoint it, and that made me feel so frustrated._

_I didn’t go back to the hospital, and then me and my squad were deployed for another mission._

_I took all of that with me on the field, I kept being reckless, and that got me killed. Or, however, badly injured, so badly that the last things I remember are bullets, pain, shock and screams, a hand in my hair, then nothing._

 

Eren kept his gaze out of the window.

Levi didn’t say he was sorry about what happened back then, and Eren didn’t want him to.

“This is it?”

“Of course not. That was just one of the lives I can remember clearly. I chose it because from then onwards, you seemed to see me. Like you were remembering, too.”

“Did I?”

“Remember me?”

Levi nodded.

“Well, it’s complicated. Yes, I think, but it was more like a sensation, nothing like now. But, Levi, we always met. Always. Every life, every different time, we met, and sometimes it worked, sometimes didn’t. Those were the worst, and a couple of days ago I was grateful you didn’t recall them, because then I was forced to recall them too. But you’re right. I need to let these memories go, and you are the only one who can understand enough of this stuff without maing me feel crazy.”

Eren came to terms with the idea of reincarnation a long time ago, but Levi was still slowly trying to accept the whole thing. He remembered -just, not everything and not all their lives. But he knew enough of them to finally understand, much more than Eren did when he was a soldier and felt captivated by the very same man because of strange dreams and cloudy feelings.

Now…

Arms circled Eren’s waist from behind and he sighed happily, backing against Levi’s body without fears.

“I finally get why you’re so moody when I hug Isabel.”

Eren pouted, trying to ignore the wave of embarrassment that hit him.

“That’s not being _moody_ , that’s irritation.”

“Same thing.”

Lips began caressing his neck, and he felt goosebumps run along his arms.

“No, you make me sound like a woman.”

“Mmh.”

Little kisses left randomly on warming skin, the blush spreading well beyond his cheeks.

“So, in one of our lives I swung that way?”

Eren didn’t even try to hide the laugh that escaped him. He turned around, never leaving Levi’s arms, and met his gaze.

“Apparently. I did see the ring. You didn’t wear it at work, so...”

“ _He_ didn’t wear it at work.”

Eren shrugged his shoulder, not looking at him.

“Eren.”

“Yeah?”

He felt a hand under his chin and his head was raised until Levi could look at him in the eye again.

“Whatever happened, they dealt with it. Whatever will happen, we’ll deal with it.”

“But it’s always us, Levi. Always. Don’t you feel like those times are still here, somehow? Like they are some kind of debt we left to ourself in the present?”

“They are not.”

“But do you _feel_ it?”

Levi knew what Eren was talking about. It was like a never-ending cycle, it didn’t matter what made their previous lives different than this, or the next ones.

Yeah, it didn’t.

“Sometimes. But we can’t keep feeling those decisions. Those are not ours anymore. This? What we have now? _This_ is ours. We don’t have to let all of those memories go, but we need to find a way to live with them.”

Eren closed his eyes, shoulders leaning forward. His forehead bumped lightly with Levi’s, and the shorter man tightened his arms around him.

“I wish I could stop them from popping in my mind, sometimes. But then I wouldn’t have you, and that’s more terrifying than all of those memories together.”

“Yeah, I love me too.”

Eren cackled at that, opening his eyes. He brought his hand to Levi’s face, caressing his cheek, and it was his turn to close his eyes.

“Thank you.”

Levi knew Eren wasn’t just talking about their chat.

He titled his head up and let the younger man lean down to kiss him, sweetly, oh so sweetly, his lips barely there. Levi loved it when Eren treated him like he was precious. After all those lives, after all that pain and occasional happiness, there was nothing they could express with words anymore.

So he didn’t say anything, and only deepened the kiss.


End file.
